It has been a terribly busy month! It has been an emotional rollercoaster - up and down. One second, all is well and the next, I am convinced there is no hope. But I just press on and pray and pray and pray and pray.... I moved back to Fallon, Nevada on March 21, 2008. It was one of the hardest days of my life. If I thought it would be easy, I was dead wrong. It was awful. I didn't think I would feel that way; I was so ready to move on and close that chapter of my life. But I got through it with lots of tears and lots of hugs! I am so thankful for all the wonderful people who came so early that Friday morning and helped load the trucks and trailers. I was so grateful that I didn't really have to think...I was just going through the motions - there physically but not mentally. My family and friends just kind of took over. I am so appreciative of them.
I was able to get settled into my new home rather quickly with lots of help! At first I was unsure if I had made the right decision to move back to Fallon. I wasn't really sure of anything. But after a few touches to my home, setting out pictures and few familiar things, I felt better. Now, I love my home, it has really grown on me. It feels so peaceful and calm; not even close to the feeling that was in the house on Boda Lane. I know without a doubt that this is where I am supposed to be and it just feels so GOOD to be sure of something finally!
It is hardest on me to be away from Addison and Payton. I struggle with this everyday. I think it would be safe to say, I think of them every other minute. They are in my m
ind all the time. I can't stand to be away from them. It seems unnatural to take children away from their mother - even for 50% of the time. I don't know if I will ever get used to this. I don't know if I can forgive for this part of the divorce. Instead of coping and dealing with this, I feel as if I am getting more bitter about it as time goes by. I want my girls here with me, their mother. I can't get over the fact that they are not. I cherish the moments I am with them. I want to kiss their cheeks and love them nonstop. (I think they get sick of me mauling them.) They are my treasures. Ohhh, I love them.
It is hardest on me to be away from Addison and Payton. I struggle with this everyday. I think it would be safe to say, I think of them every other minute. They are in my m
ind all the time. I can't stand to be away from them. It seems unnatural to take children away from their mother - even for 50% of the time. I don't know if I will ever get used to this. I don't know if I can forgive for this part of the divorce. Instead of coping and dealing with this, I feel as if I am getting more bitter about it as time goes by. I want my girls here with me, their mother. I can't get over the fact that they are not. I cherish the moments I am with them. I want to kiss their cheeks and love them nonstop. (I think they get sick of me mauling them.) They are my treasures. Ohhh, I love them.The new job is going good. I don't have a classroom yet so I work out of a P.E. office. I am busy buying equipment for the class and searching the Internet for curriculum ideas. I have been traveling to Reno for meetings with other Health Occupation teachers. I am going to Elko in a few weeks to observe their classroom and get ideas from them. I am also traveling to Las Vegas at the end of this month to a convention. This is a nice diversion for me. I think it will help me move on; I HAVE to get up everyday, get dressed, do my hair, and my makeup. Some mornings, I just don't want to. But I like the job so far and I like the people I work with. This is always a bonus. A lot of the teachers I knew from before so it is easy to fit right back in.
I get to pick up the girls tomorrow evening! YEAH! I can hardly wait. All is well. All is well
3 comments:
The girls are darling--want to give them hugs and kisses. Glad the job is looking good and that you are enjoying your friendships with the teachers. Looks like things are getting into a routine which is helpful for stability. Miss you three. Love you, Mom and Cab Did you get the pictures we sent?
You are so strong. I don't know how I could stand to not have my kids with me all the time. I am sorry you have to deal with this. Good luck with the new job.
Hi, you don’t know me, but somehow I found myself on your page looking for ideas. I’ve seen a ton of blogs today, most of which I’ve quickly skimmed through. However, for some reason I was so struck by yours-not because it is flashy, but just that it is simple and real. My heart aches for you, and I hope that you are well. You will find happiness again. You must believe.
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